![]() ![]() ![]() If the root of your behavior is pretty clear, then you can move on to accepting that this has been passed down to you and that you want to ditch this habit. If this is a recurring theme for you, can you pinpoint what might’ve influenced you to repeatedly disengage in this way? Could it maybe be something your parent did to protect themselves when you were younger because your other parent was often violent? If so, that could be one way intergenerational trauma is manifesting for you. Think back on if that was a common feeling in any previous relationships or if this is unique to this S.O. ![]() Say you’ve noticed that you don’t feel comfortable voicing your opinion any time your spouse irks you. Once you’ve sat with those emotions, see if you can remember when you first started feeling or acting this way. One way to kickstart this journey is to journal about the people or environments that make you feel anxious or uneasy and investigate how that impacts the way you show up in the world. If you’re ready to get started with this healing stuff already, read on for how to deal with intergenerational trauma. If you’re at your emotional capacity, think about whether this is the right time to dive in or if you can afford to wait a beat without tanking your mental health. (Shout out to my late paternal grandmother, who I often call upon for guidance!)īecause trauma can have deep, stubborn roots and impact your relationship with your fam, dealing with it can be emotionally painful, confusing, exhausting, and can even make you feel sick, so it’s best to understand that before moving forward. Take it from me, a licensed marriage and family therapist who is healing from intergenerational trauma: If you’re going through this trauma struggle, you can and deserve to become a better version of yourself-but it takes work. (But, since you’re reading this, you’re probably way ahead of the game. And if you have kids and grandkids before learning how to deal, they could also be at risk of coping with life in unhealthy ways. When you and your kin don’t communicate, you can get stuck in a cycle of unhelpful learned responses and thoughts (like isolation, aggression, shame, guilt, attachment issues, emotional repression, and sadness) that can be traced back to generations before you. The science behind how historical trauma is passed down needs more research, but many mental health experts agree that the emotional toll of trauma festers when your family doesn’t talk about the events your relatives went through. Plus, life gets even trickier when you add in complicated dating or work dynamics, health stuff, and money stress to the mix. You know, like politicians coming for your rights, microaggressions, or random family drama-just to name a few. It’s worth acknowledging that all of this emotional inheritance you did not ask for comes on top of whatever family or societal issues you’re already dealing with. You or some of your relatives might even manage these emotions in unhealthy ways, like neglecting your feelings, using violence, self-sabotaging, misusing substances, or just trying to get through life in survival mode. And if they didn’t have the proper tools to deal or even the space to talk about it, this trauma could result in their descendants (and maybe even you) feeling a loss of identity, insecure, or anxious in certain environments. It’s very likely that those generations could’ve been plagued with feelings of abandonment, fear, and low self-esteem. ![]() Maybe your background includes ancestors who were enslaved before being subjected to more forms of racial trauma. And their experiences of depression, feelings of disconnection, anxiety, anger, and other tough emotions could impact you today. The idea is that families who went through atrocities like slavery, concentration camps, genocide, colonization, famine, natural disasters, or who have histories of abuse, incest, incarceration, and poverty can pass down intense emotions triggered by the traumatic events they went through. Δ By subscribing to our email newsletter, you agree to and acknowledge that you have read our Privacy Policy and Terms and Conditions.Įven though it isn’t in the big book of mental health diagnoses ( The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), intergenerational trauma is widely accepted as a real mental health burden. ![]()
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